”Mummy, mummy, mummy come ooo, yellow anty is dragging brother Ezeashi’s ‘hand-brake’ oooo. She say she would cut his ‘lugi’ off ooo, she is dragging it as if she wants to pull it off.”
Little Kelechukwu ran off towards the direction he had come from. I followed him immediately, my inner instinct told me that Eziashi Austine was at it again, but this time around I was going to give him a piece of my mind. The fact that he is the only boy in the family shouldn’t be a yardstick for him to always misbehave. If he wasn’t smoking Igbo in the toilet, he would be drinking Alomo in the kitchen, or sniffing papa’s snuff in the wardrobe… in a house full of kids! haba na, it was getting too much, who knows what he has done this time around.
Kelechukwu stopped in front of Austin’s room, I paused too. My nose picked up a funny smell, something smells like oiled cucumbers (not the Anambra type).
I peeped into the room with the intention of catching the rascal unaware. It seemed like he was engaged in a hot argument with somebody, quickly I opened the door to forestall any physical confrontation.
”walahi my money must complete before I leave here… if not, heaven will receive one visitor without a third leg and Insah Allah, I know it wouldn’t be me.
I opened my mouth in shock, I couldn’t believe what my eyes were seeing. Standing menacingly close to Austin was a fair, tall, and very clean girl, as fresh as yellow pawpaw, she was dressed like one of those girls in playboy mansion, and by the gods! She had Austin’s ‘Handbrake ‘ in her slim, firm hands!
From the look of things, Austin wasn’t enjoying the ‘hand job’. His face was contorted like a mallam’s ‘yansh’ when he is ‘shitting’ strong shit. His eyes looked pleadingly at me, begging me to come to his aid.
I rushed in quickly to separate the quarrelling duo.
“Ka chineke ne me si ugwu… what in God’s name is happening here?
eeeeehhhh… young lady, do you want to kill my only brother for me..
Can somebody tell me what is going on here”, I screamed.
Austin started mumbling incomprehensively amidst heavy panting.
‘it’s… this, this, were almajiri…
The girl cut him short immediately…
“Aunty, abeg tell this useless brother of yours to pay me my money ooo, let him pay me my 100 thousand before heavy kasala will break loose here today ooo… abi you think I am one of those small small girls you mess around with”.
You know the part where they say ‘Blood is thicker than water? Well, it’s actually very true for even though Austin was wrong, the blood in me stirred me up to his defence.
“Abeg Abeg Abeg… who be your aunty? Heh, answer me! May Thunda divide the balls that produced the dirty mouth you just used in calling my brother useless… are you insane, please if you don’t know how to talk just shut up and get out!
The young lady was caught unawares, she calmed down and tearfully explained what transpired the previous night… I was shocked beyond expression.
I paused, looked from one person to another, my mouth opened slowly as the situation of things began to unfold.
It seemed Austin had regained his strength, so I asked him to explain his own side of the ‘Nigerian movie’ that was unfolding before me…
“Aunty, don’t mind this criminal oooo… I saw her on the street, toasted her ooo and she agreed to be my friend. We came home and ‘helped each other’ now she is asking for money. Me I told her that I ‘liked it better for free’, real men don’t pay for sex, why should I? After all, she enjoyed it too.”
“Thunder fire that your dirty mouthy!… For free… eehhhh! He be like say you dey craze, who you toast, I be like your level to you? guy if u no pay me my money sharp sharp gbege go gas for here na na” the now very wild girl screamed.
Little Kelechi started laughing… ‘Uncle pay her money oooo… you no know say even touching body don add money for the market?
Come on close that your dirty mouth dia, I shouted at him… the young child kept giggling while Austin ran to hide behind me. The young rascal, he lacked the courage of a man but was always doing things meant for strong men.
Nedu eeeee (I called him by his pet name) eeh… so this is what you now do? This is what you spend the small pocket money I give you on? you now bring home prostitutes eeh. Austin oooo, where did you learn this one from ooo…
“Ehhhn, abeg, abeg, abeg, I no be prostitute ooo I am a professional sex therapist, please. I decline and refuse to be addressed as a prostitute abeg” retorted the fair girl.
‘Ehhhh, chisos ooo., wonders shall never end. So prostitution has now gone professional, chai… what will I not see in this country, I said as I crossed my arms over my ‘a pimple’ of a breast.
I turned to my very frightened brother; So Austin, you now employ the services of ‘sexual therapist? I asked the scared young man with my finger pointing at his ‘handbrake’
‘hmmmm… well since you enjoyed the services of this young lady, I think you should pay her sharply without any further delay because ‘na where person dey work im dey chop’… so saying I closed the door on them and dragged kelechi away from a scene that was obviously going to get messy.
Two hours later, Austin came to the backyard with a swollen eye and without his golden wristwatch and necklace.
”chai aunty… walahi, Kano girls are mad people ooh, that girl almost killed me…
I looked at him expressionlessly, though he did the wrong thing, I just couldn’t bring myself to chide the young rascal. He was sweet and looked so innocent, besides being the only brother I had. I just wished I could change him to be the responsible young man father always wanted him to be…
As I was there staring at him, my mind went back to my younger days as a teenager. I was about the same age as Eziashi Austine when I first met Obinna, he was every woman’s dream… tall, handsome ebony dark with a smile that could melt even the heart of Jessica korchia. I had fallen instantly for him.
Obinna would do kinds of stuff most guys wouldn’t dare do… he would cook me surprise meals, rinse my clothes while I washed them and even make me up every morning. His generosity knew no bounds both to me and my friends. I felt on top of the world… like Queen Elizabeth on Mount Everest…
Everything went good and smooth between us until I missed my period… then I saw a whole new Obinna, a beast in Prince Charming’s flesh.